How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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