The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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