so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
