I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
