dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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