So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
