We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
