does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're a waste of cheezeits
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
