All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
