I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
