How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
