yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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