Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
