FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
