Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
