Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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