I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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