i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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