Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
