her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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