saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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