Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
