you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
