Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
