Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
