I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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