I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am available for nakedness
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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