remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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