A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
