I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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