last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
