Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
