when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
