My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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