So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
