UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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