i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
