At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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