dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
