As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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