ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize