the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
