OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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