I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize