Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
