i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
