Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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