whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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