after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
