the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
