i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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