Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
