The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i think i just lost a toe
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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