I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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