NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
