Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize