I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is Oprah even human
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
