There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
