dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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