Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
