his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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