i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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