You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
