Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize