Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
