By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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