On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
