Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
