He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
