I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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