She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
