Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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