Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
