my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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