Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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