Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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