I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
