i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
