my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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