Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize