like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
