I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
