Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize