I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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