Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
