when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
