You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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