I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
