Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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