I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
