Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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