she woke up with a sticky ear
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
