You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are the jesus of drinking
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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