Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize