My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
