Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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