I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
