I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
