everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
