Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize