Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
