There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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