Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
