Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
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