Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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